It’s Tortilla Time| Hi I’m Tori and this is my Story

I had a few friends over yesterday, a couple of whom didn’t leave until around one thirty in the morning. By the time I showered and brushed my teeth, I didn’t get to sleep until around two.

At around seven thirty I was awoken by my mother who had left for work. I tossed and turned and after much effort, fell asleep again.

It wasn’t ten minutes later that the phone, located conveniently beside my bed, began ringing shrilly. I crankily answered it, an action that would normally be uncharacteristic for me. I imagine I sounded quite similar to a zombie, and when I learnt that the phone was for Ben, I decided to shake him violently awake and pass it to him. If my slumber was to be disturbed by this, then his was susceptible, too.

I thought for sure I would be up for good. I laid awake, staring at my ceiling, almost envious of the sleeping dog at the foot of my bed. Although, as luck would have it, I was quickly able to fall back into my slumber.

At nine I was rudely awakened by the relentless barking of my Collie. I instructed her, amidst various profanities, to calm down. Sally, being the brilliant, most obedient dog I know, obeyed immediately.

I muttered to myself and tossed and turned for a few moments. This was undoubtedly the worst sleep I had received in quite some time. Much to my astonishment, I was able to doze off again.

I was in a deep, most comfortable sleep when I was awoken by the blaring of my brother’s TV across the hall. He hadn’t gone back to sleep following his phone call. I got up, slammed the door, and laid down yet again.

Just as I began to doze off, the phone rang again. I was angered when I noticed that it was a long distance number, evidence of a telemarketer. I answered the phone and abruptly slammed it down again. WAS THE WORLD DETERMINED TO INTERRUPT MY SLEEP?

Though by now immensely angered, I was able to succumb to my slumber once again. It was around ten thirty when the phone rang for a third time. I answered it begrudgingly, and informed the man that my mother was not available BUT THANKS FOR CALLING.

That was when I decided to wake up.

Today I made sure to move the phone downstairs.

I’m off of red meat. Maybe not completely, but I assume for the most part.

These days have found me consuming tofu hot dogs and chicken burgers, which sound far less scrumptious than they actually are. However, the feeling proceeding mealtime is far more satisfying, as you’re rid of the guilt you’d feel had you consumed a regular hot dog. Let’s face it, nobody is fond of that feeling.

In other words, not much has been going on in my life as of late. Math has proved to be a huge pain in my ass, but luckily I am out of going to summer school. Instead, I am to attend a remedial course for a month come fall. Let’s see, math for a couple hours each week for a month or MATH FOR HOURS EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR HALF OF MY SUMMER? It’s a head scratcher, really.

Why are maths and sciences so difficult? Why couldn’t everything be as straightforward as English? IT BOGGLES THE MIND.

And I’m going to Ohio tomorrow.

Mum- I smell smoke.
I look up from magazine.
Me- Oh.
I go back to flipping through magazine.
Mum- Don’t act so casual, what if it’s our house?!
Me- BEN!
Ben (from downstairs)- What?
Me- IS OUR HOUSE ON FIRE?
Ben- WHAT?
Me- IS. OUR. HOUSE. ON. FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE?
Ben- No!
I turn to Mum.
Me- You were saying?

My good friend (and owner of Rocky) volunteers at the vet clinic at which I do my co-op. We have arranged to go in during the same hours this summer, which has already proved enjoyable.

It’s nice to have different friends for different purposes. This friend, for example, is my animal buddy. We take our dogs out for play dates and work together at the vet clinic. Most of our conversations consist of discussing the best brands of dog kibble, crate training and humorous tales of our canines. It is surprisingly difficult to find people, let alone fellow teenagers, as devoted to their animals as I.

This friend is also in my biology class, and informed me today that teachers have already made calls home about failed chem exams. I feel slightly at ease, though not totally in the clear. I was unaware that teachers made phone calls to those who failed their exams, which is most likely a good thing, as I haven’t received any calls as of yet.

I still feel that it may be too early to celebrate, though.

If Marley is so deserving of a book and movie, shouldn’t Seamus be?

I’m such a bum, since summer commenced I’ve really done nothing of significance. My new job is already awesome though, and I adore the flexibility and freedom that it grants me.

I’ve decided to continue my co-op position at the vet clinic throughout the summer, though I’ve cut down my hours drastically. I’m down to once a week for three hours, as I’m also working this full-time job. I went this morning and watched a lump removal surgery and a few routine dentistries. I have decided, however, that observing dental extractions prior to an orthodontist appointment is not using good judgement.

I cherish the freedom that I have to stay up as late as I desire, as I can awake at whatever hour I please. It doesn’t matter when I complete my work, as long as it is, in fact, completed. I get to remain clothed in my pyjamas all day, unless of course if I choose to take the dogs out for a run, which is a part of my daily regime.

I love this sense of freedom, as if you couldn’t already tell.

My life is at last unencumbered. I sincerely hope that it remains this way forever.

Ohio in eight days, fools.

This school year has at long last concluded.

I had my final exam today, and it still hasn’t completely dawned on me that I’m done for two months. I can finally stop and take a breath, as I’ve spent the last month immersed in a flood of homework, assignments and exam preparation.

And I’m going to Ohio in ten days!

I am so tired.

I have a biology exam tomorrow morning, though I do feel prepared and I am not overly stressed about it.

I am so tired.

I get to see my babies in twelve days. It is such a weird emotion, missing your brothers. Today I spoke briefly with Liam on the phone, which subsequently made me miss him more.

Liam- Hi.
Me- Hello Liam.
Liam- Hi.
Me- Liam!
Liam- Hi.
Me- I love you.
Liam- I love me.
….
Liam- Hi.

I’m going to Ohio in twelve days, which I am obviously extremely excited about.

I am so tired.

I should probably go to bed.

I’m very thankful that I have good friends like Yoon Baboon who help me see clearly when I can’t even think straight.

This afternoon found me shifting through old boxes, in desperate search of old journals that I have written. You see, I hope to eventually archive old journal entries on this site, too, in addition to my blog entries.

As I began sorting through old boxes, a particular booklet caught my eye. I immediately fished it out and opened it, taken aback when I realized that it was my parents’ divorce agreement. I opened it, perhaps against better judgement, and began reading intently. I knew that reading this booklet would release a flood of emotion, but I found myself unable to refrain from doing so.

My blood began to boil when I read of the vile tactics my father pulled throughout the process of their separation, most of which I was completely ignorant of. My parents decided to separate in October of 2000, my father not moving out until May of 2001. During those seven months, my father removed himself from family life, whilst my mother tried tirelessly to maintain a sense of family and togetherness for the sake of Ben and I.

Ben and I remained blissfully unaware of the tension lingering in our own home, a fact that I am ashamed of to this day. How could I have not have noticed? It wasn’t until April 29, 2001, a whole two days prior to our father’s departure, that we were informed of their intents to separate. Despite the fact that the separation had been planned for months, though unbeknownst to us, Ben and I were struck with a sense of grief and pure and utter shock.

Flipping through the pages, I learnt of several situations that I was previously unaware of. My father is a selfish, emotionless prick that could have cared less about our family. My mother suffered, as her sole concern was the wellbeing of her children. Despite the fact that my father became lazy and unwilling to help contribute to daily household tasks, my mum put on a brave face and sustained it all.

He withdrew himself from routine family activities, my mum was left to tend to it all. She lost a significant amount of weight on account of the sheer stress, and I had always blamed myself for this. Perhaps if I wasn’t such a demanding child my mum wouldn’t have been so stressed. I am irked now to know that I felt guilt for my father’s doings, not mine.

I was captivated by the divorce booklet for hours, and by the last page tears had welled up in my eyes. I looked up and the first thing I saw was an old picture peeking up from a box; it was of my parents together. It was then that I began to sob hysterically. Suppressed emotion had suddenly come rushing back, and I sat and cried to myself for a few moments. It was strangely therapeutic.

My mum had such a shitty time during the entire separation and divorce ordeal, and I was so caught up in my own emotions and heartache that I hadn’t even thought about what she had endured. Throughout the entire divorce, she had somehow fell victim to my blame. I blamed her for kicking dad out, and I wasn’t eager to forgive her, either.

I sit here is sheer amazement of the inner strength and determination of my mother. I am so gratified that she is my mother, as I have a strong, amazing female role model to look up to. She is most deserving of the happiness that she has found now, as she is with an absolutely amazing man. I can’t recall a time that she has been this content since the divorce.

I hope that my father, the vindictive snake that he is, enjoys his life with his new family and realizes what he has sacrificed and is missing out on.