It’s Tortilla Time| Hi I’m Tori and This is my Story

Since when has packing become such a mundane chore? It has previously brought much excitement and anticipation, but I fail to feel that at present. This is perhaps due to the profuse packing I have done as of late. First there was Mexico, then the trip to visit my father and his replacement family, next was the resort, and now this trip.

I depart for Athens, Greece tomorrow. Is it at all odd that I feel slightly nervous? I am going with the school music program, so unfortunately it will not be a relaxing vacation, but instead a busy, educational one.

Although tomorrow marks the commencement of my first ever voyage overseas, it is not enough to omit me from chemistry class.

Damn.

I will return home from Greece on the eighth of April.

Cam and Seamus.

They attempt to keep me out of trouble.

Cam thinks that his efforts go unacknowledged.

He looks strangely Asian in this picture.

She-who-shall-not-be-named is my stepmother,
I profoundly regret that she cannot be exchanged for another.

Her appearance is loathsome, her personality corresponding,
Her face is misshapen, her clothes are quite daunting.

She is childlike and stupid and will talk off your ear,
The image of her belly dancing is enough to evoke fear.

Although in her eyes she is pure and utter perfection,
A conversation with her is like death by lethal injection.

Her ugliness and stupidity can be matched by no other,
Because she is MY extremely bitter and selfish stepmother.

Could God be any more blatant in His portrayal of the message that I should never wear tights? Every single time I purchase a new pair they are amiss within the week. Without fail.

I do not experience this interesting and rather aggravating phenomenon with any other article of clothing, it has become quite apparent that it is unique to tights. Maybe tights are so extremely unflattering on me that the fact that I wear them can be parallelled to a HEINOUS CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY.

Though the mark is barely visible, it should be known that it hurts like a mother. I was unfortunate enough to have my finger pinched between two stands at band rehearsal last week… and so this entire week I have been going forth agonizing about the pin-sized injury I sustained.

This is an excellent example of my facial expression when the incident occurred.

Of course try to envision far less hair.

Those were taken in Ohio. I should probably go back there before I die.

Friend- Tori, what’s written on your hand?
Me- Oh, this says DAD because every so often I feel obligated to call and give him the liberty of knowing that I’m still alive.
Friend- Oh, well what about this one?
Me- That says CO-OP SHEET, because I have a co-op sheet that’s due tomorrow.
Friend- And how about this one? ‘WYHA’?
Me- Well you see, I was sitting in chemistry class and all of a sudden that song Where’s Your Head At came to mind. You know that song? With the video where the people turn into monkeys? So anyways I thought hey, I should download that song and put it on my iPod.
Friend- In chemistry class?
Me- Why? Is that weird?

There is nobody that I dislike more than she-who-shall-not-be-named; my stuttering, belly dancing, considerably young stepmother. However, her mother (who I have referred to in my previous blogs as GRANDMA) gives her quite a run for her money.

As my good friend Mary can attest, my rants about GRANDMA were constant when I was spending a considerable amount of time in her presence (a couple of years ago). Her head-banging to country music, her repugnant taste in fashion, her annoying aura, her constant yapping… the like. It was a bad scene.

It had been a while since I had seen GRANDMA, and I was quite contented about the lack of GRANDMA in my life… until two weeks ago. I kid you not, this was the first conversation she’s had with me in years.

GRANDMA- Tori, I heard you bought an expensive camera.
Me- I guess you could say that.
GRANDMA- Now, what’s with kids and buying expensive cameras?
Me- Care to elaborate?
GRANDMA- Well, you know, it’s pure stupidity.
Me- Excuse me?
GRANDMA- I mean, why buy an expensive camera?

I mean, why buy a car when you can roll around in a box? With a big sail as a means of acceleration? That way she could float along into the ether and annoy somebody else.

I cannot fathom why my father would ever leave our family and marry into this despicable one.

At least I got an adorable half evil baby brother out of the deal.

And one who slightly resembles a potato.

Replacement children. I digress.

Whilst in the car.

Mum- Tori, look at this woman. She’s standing in the middle of the road and talking on her cellphone. It’s dark, no one can see her.
Me- Maybe she’s hoping that the operator can direct her to her common sense.
Silence…
Mum- Yeah, I highly doubt that.

I am beginning to grow weary of the constant snowfall.

And so is my most loyal canine.

I cannot say for sure what exactly this is.

My two little shits contemplating world domination.