It’s Tortilla Time| Hi I’m Tori and This is my Story

Mum- I smell smoke.
I look up from magazine.
Me- Oh.
I go back to flipping through magazine.
Mum- Don’t act so casual, what if it’s our house?!
Me- BEN!
Ben (from downstairs)- What?
Me- IS OUR HOUSE ON FIRE?
Ben- WHAT?
Me- IS. OUR. HOUSE. ON. FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE?
Ben- No!
I turn to Mum.
Me- You were saying?

I am so tired.

I have a biology exam tomorrow morning, though I do feel prepared and I am not overly stressed about it.

I am so tired.

I get to see my babies in twelve days. It is such a weird emotion, missing your brothers. Today I spoke briefly with Liam on the phone, which subsequently made me miss him more.

Liam- Hi.
Me- Hello Liam.
Liam- Hi.
Me- Liam!
Liam- Hi.
Me- I love you.
Liam- I love me.
….
Liam- Hi.

I’m going to Ohio in twelve days, which I am obviously extremely excited about.

I am so tired.

I should probably go to bed.

Ben- Hurry up, Tori! We’re leaving.
Me- Hold on, I’m coming.
Ben- WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE!
Me- Relax. Breathe. Chill like tofu.

As we were in the car, en route home from the mall.

Ben whistles.
Me- Shut up, Ben. That’s annoying as hell.
Ben looks at my mum in disbelief.
Mum- What? She asked you nicely.

Mum- I can’t wait until Ben graduates high school so I can tell your band teacher what I really think of him.
Me- Oh? What are you going to say?
Mum- I’m gonna say, look, every time I’ve looked at you for the past five years all I’ve seen was a BIG HAIRY HORSE’S ASS.
Me- Yeah, much more effective than telling him that you disagree with his teaching style.

Me- Hey, can I look at some of your chem answers? I didn’t understand a few of the questions.
Friend- Yeah, sure.
Me- Okay, I need to see questions one through twenty-eight.
Friend- You didn’t get ANY of them?
Awkward silence.
Me- Hold me.

My Mum calls her friend Lora yesterday for a chat, but instead Lora’s sixteen year old son answers the phone.

Mum- Hello Tyler, is your Mum around?
Tyler- I think she’s still sleeping, let me check.
Mum- Okay.
Long pause.
Tyler- Yeah, she’s still sleeping, I’d better not wake her up. She was out with Suzy last night, if you know what I mean.
Mum- Oh dear, you’d better not wake her.

Ben’s football practise is minutes away from Tyler’s house. Because Tyler is Ben’s best friend, Ben went there to pass the time during his lunch break.

Following Ben’s practise:

Mum- So did you have fun at Tyler’s?
Ben- Yeah, but Lora was really sick the entire time.
Mum- Yeah, she was out with Suzy last night.
Ben- Really? Well that’s not smart if she was sick…

As we make our way home from my Nana’s house:

Ben- Mum, want to hear a weird statistic?
Mum- Absolutely.
Ben- You know that 3lbs. of your body weight is pure bacteria?
Mum- Where do you learn this? Do they teach you this at school?
Me- Yeah, who feeds you this crap?
Ben- I don’t know, I just hear it.
Awkward Silence.
Mum- The singular form of bacteria is bacterium.
Me- Why would anyone ever need to use the singular form of bacteria?
Mum- They could say ‘there is one bacterium.’
Me- Or ‘the bacterium crossed the road.’
Mum- Yes, and then you could say that his brother crossed the road too and then there were two bacteria.
Me- I don’t know where I would be without you to teach me this stuff.

Teacher- Godzilla Graph? Tori, is there a reason why this is the title of your temperature vs. volume graph?
Me- What? Sara said that I could call it whatever I wanted.

In chem class, as we learn about pressure and force.

Teacher- Tori, what is pressure? Can you tell us what it is?
Entire class turns at me and stares, awaiting my response.
Me- Umm… this?