It’s Tortilla Time| Hi I’m Tori and this is my Story

This morning I awoke to worst kind of realization; an English test had been completely forgotten about. I usually wing English tests with minimal effort and pass with flying colours, however I knew that today this would not be an option. For it was on Macbeth, penned by my arch nemesis, Mr. Billy Shakespeare.

Shakespeare and I have never gotten along. To my recollection, this feud commenced years ago when I was forced to play Bottom in a rendition of ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream.’ I did not take kindly to playing a donkey. Shakespeare has bestowed much chaos and confusion in my life since, with his complicated usage of the English language and complex story lines.

Long story short: I loathe Shakespeare.

This morning I found myself at my desk, completely discombobulated, scribbling down any answer that made an ounce of sense. I have learnt over the years that when in doubt, guess. Any wild guess is better than nothing. One of the questions that I had left blank was ‘Who appeared in Banquo’s dreams in Act II Scene iii?’
Good God, I thought, how the fuck should I know?
In a fluster I quickly scribbled down ‘CAMERON DIAZ’ before completing my test. There was no doubt that a laid back guy such as my teacher would find this comical. A sense of relief then overcame my very soul; the test was over. Finito. Done. Water under the bridge.

My teacher then instructed us to hand our tests to the student who sat two rows directly to our left, as they would be the ones to mark them. There are many reasons why I despise this arrangement, the main one being that it’s pure and utter laziness on the teacher’s behalf. They get paid to mark, so why shouldn’t they?

I looked over at the classmate that would be grading my test, and it was inevitably the most popular girl in the class. Oh shit, I recall thinking, she’s going to see my Cameron Diaz answer and think I’m fucked in the head. I scurried through my test, in desperate search of the answer so that I could quickly scratch it out.

‘PENS DOWN!’ my teacher barked. Fuck. It was too late.

I handed my test to the girl, visibly panicked and unsure of what exactly to say to her. I cringed as we slowly made our way to the dreaded question. I finally mustered to courage to peer over at my classmate as my teacher discussed the answer, and she immediately shot me a confounded expression. Her eyes bulged, her forehead creased. She was in complete awe of the answer that lay before her.

I felt like melting. Word of this would undoubtedly spread among the popular crowd.

As we exchanged our tests back, the girl was still intent on giving me an awkward glance.
‘I just figured Banquo had a thing for the ladies,’ I said, figuring that this somehow defined my answer.